


Confession

by yjh__only (orphan_account)



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Rejection, idk what this is, plz don't read, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/yjh__only
Summary: 16 year old Jinyoung confessed to his friend of ten years.....but got rejected... four years later he met him again feelings still the same.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> hi.....it's been a while.....tbh idk what this fic is about...it just came into my minf and i just wrote words....it did give me some depression because i didn't know how to lead the story or work on it...my friend did helped me but i still dont know what this is...be disappointing.

  


"I love you." 16 year old Jinyoung was nervous as hell as he trembled out those three words, looking anywhere else but in Jaebeom's eyes which were piercing through him.

Took a while before he heard Jaebeom sighed at his words and then the deep voice hit him.

  


"Jinyoung ah... I think you are just confused." the way Jaebeom sounded was like he was so old when it was only a year difference. The way his voice sounded like he was consoling a child telling him that he can’t have that one toy. The way his voice was so serious yet it was soft telling him that he did wrong.

  


"I am not confused hyung... I like you... I really like you so much." Jinyoung wanted to cry but that would only prove Jaebeom's point of him being immature. He clenched his fist, trying hard to not to let out a sob.

  


"The thing you are feeling is valid, but it's not love nyoung ah... It's admiration and affection and you can't mix it with love."Jinyoung hung his head low, eyes on ground. He couldn't control his tears anymore, his eyes were stinging as he felt his cheeks dampening. Damn it.

  


"It's okay... You will be fine and you will soon a person you love. "Jaebeom voice was still soft, full of affection. How could he not fall for him?

  


Jinyoung didn't look up, he didn't want to show his failure to the person he love. Jaebeom pat his head, ruffling the hair before he left. Jinyoung hated himself for yearning the touch, for leaning into the touch but Jaebeom was gone.

  


Jinyoung legs gave in, all the courage he muster up in past week was gone as he stumbled on his feet, his knees on ground, he sobbed. Tears falling down his cheeks.

He was waiting to get rejected, he was so cared to even face his love but never did he thought he would be rejected in such a way. Even though Jaebeom was so soft with him but his words were harsher, telling him how he hadn't even grasp the concept of love. It was humiliating, getting your feelings thrown away like they didn't matter.

What did Jaebeom knew? How he spent almost a whole year figuring out his own feelings for the person he had spent his last ten years with. He freaked out when he finally sorted out his feeling for him.

It was already hard falling in love with a boy, on top of that it was a person he thought of as a big brother. Not much of age difference yet Jaebeom felt like he was his big brother, from age five till the age it fifteen never did he left Jinyoung's side, always beside him and helping him. It was hard to not to fall in love.

How he gathered all his courage over the week was beyond his imagination, he was so nervous, what more he felt was fear. Fear of losing, fear of not getting and in the end he didn’t get it.

Jinyoung cried so hard, over losing his love, losing his friend and a brother.

  


.....

It was fall, the wind was cold, not too much yet it makes you shiver and drape a warm sweater on you. Jinyoung walked beside Jackson, his friend who was busy talking about someone.

  


"You will love him, he is really good... I can't believe in past two years in university and you haven't met him." Jackson was trying to make him meet someone and Jinyoung didn't know why, apparently the guy was amazing and was popular and at this point Jinyoung should have met him.

  


"Are you trying to set me up with someone?"

  


"Ew no.... You don't even stand a chance...I'm just making you meet new people." Jinyoung rolled his eyes. 

  


"First of all I feel disrespected, second of I have known enough people." 

  


"Knowing Yugyeom and BamBam don't count as people." 

  


"I know Mark." 

  


"Only because Youngjae is dating him..." 

  


"Youngjae...." 

  


"Because he is your fucking roommate." 

  


"I seriously don't need to meet new people…." 

  


Jinyoung would have continued but they stumbled into someone and Jinyoung heard Jackson going. 

  


"Omg Jaebeom hyung... I was actually going to meet you up." The name made Jinyoung stop moving. He froze, he still hadn't look up to see the person they encountered.

"Oh you wanted to see me?" the same deep, yet more mature voice filled his ears.

  


It's been three years since Jinyoung last saw Jaebeom, four years since he last talked to the man. The last time he encountered was when he confessed. Everything went downhill since.

Jaebeom tried to approach but Jinyoung ran away. The ten year of friendship broke down that day.They were neighbors but Jinyoung refused to meet Jaebeom, it went only for a year since Jaebeom left for Seoul to get into university. Jinyoung came to Seoul a year later, spent two years not knowing that he shares same learning space as his long life crush.

  


"Ah meet my friend Jinyoung." Jackson introduced him and Jinyoung finally looked up to meet Jaebeom's gaze. Surprise was evident in his eyes.

  


Jinyoung eyed him, the lines were now sharper than before, the hair were longer, fringes out all over the place yet he still looked stunning. The number of piercing on ear has increased. Jinyoung extended his arm for the shake.

  


"It's nice to meet you." voice distant. Jaebeom was taken a back before he took Jinyoung's hands in his own, fitting perfectly beside his like it used to.

  


"Its nice to meet you too." Jaebeom said eyes him from head to toe, the tension between them was evident. He then turn his attention to Jackson again.

  


"You got new friend?"

  


"No he is my actual best friend but he never leaves his dorm this nerd.... Been two years to finally let him lose some nerves." Jackson shook his head. Jaebeom hummed before saying.

  


"I would love to meet but I really have to go..." and with that he left, always running away. Jinyoung guessed people don't really change.

  


.....

  


  


"You are studying here for two years and you don't know a Im Jaebeom?" Yugyeom shook his head.

  


"How the fuck you even know him?" Jinyoung felt a pang of jealousy knowing the fact that he was unknown to presence of Jaebeom for two whole years yet his own friends knew the man. He still don't know why he was hiding the fact that he had spent his entire childhood and half teenage with Jaebeom.

Somehow it made him feel he didn't know Jaebeom anymore, the way everyone talked about him. The ten years looked nothing compare to the fours year he spent without him.

The new Jaebeom he was listening about was nowhere near the one he knew. And it made him so mad and sad at the same time that Jaebeom he knew no longer existed. The one he fall in love with.

  


"You really need to spread your horizon to get to know him." BamBam said.

  


"You met him in a pool party didn't you?"

  


"That's what I meant when I said spread tor horizon."

  


"No seriously how come you not know him?" Youngjae asked.

  


"How come you all asking me this? Is he really someone I should be knowing?" his annoyance reached its peak.

  


"Well he is really famous for being a play boy.."

  


"Play boy?" Jinyoung gasped. Definitely not the Jaebeom he knew.

  


"He is always present in parties and all.... And he is really nice if you talk to him and helps you a lot too." Youngjae finished and Jinyoung thought maybe the only thing that remained same was Jaebeom helping others.

  


"Still why should I be knowing him?"

  


"Because everyone does man... Stop asking same question it's making my head hurt." BamBam said. Jinyoung threw a pillow at him.

  


"About other questions... Why the hell are you all in my room?" Jinyoung asked,

  


"Because it's Youngjae's room too and he invited us." Yugyeom shrugged and all Jinyoung could do was to glare at Youngjae who ignored him while eating chips.

.....

  


"I hate you." fourteen year old Jinyoung was crying clutching a hard cover book as he hit Jaebeom with his other free hand. Jaebeom laughed as he took Jinyoung's smaller fist in his own. 

  


"I told you this book wasn't for you." Jaeboem smiled softly. 

  


"I thought it would adult book but this is so sad.... I hate it.." Jinyoung was sniffing as he wipe his tears with his sweater paws. 

  


"You really hate it?" Jaebeom was curious, a bit nervous since this was his favorite book.

  


“It’s so sad…..how could writer writes such cruel things….” He hiccupped.

  


“Well this is how it rolls…you really hate it?” Jaebeom asked again, Jinyoung looked at his before crying again.

"I hate it that I love this so much." and Jinyoung started crying again, Jaebeom smiled as he took Jinyoung in a hug embracing the crying teen while he ruffled his hair. 

  


..... 

  


  


  


It was his third party to be in with in spam of two years. Not bad for his record but according to Yugyeom he was doing really badly at whatever this was.

He genuinely hated being there, all the people he never knew dancing and laughing for no reason, alcohol in their head with no rational thoughts. How could human even live like this and the fact that the certain Im Jaebeom has always been part of such occasion made his stomach churn.

He stayed away from people as possible as he could, had only one can of beer as he stroll through the chaos they call party. Yugyeom and BamBam were in dance floor, he saw Youngjae and Mark making out somewhere in near the kitchen and Jackson was there with a boy beside him and the second they started kissing Jinyoung looked away.

He walked around aimlessly, thinking of how he could just get away from this when he saw him. Standing in the small balcony, away from whatever happening inside. Jinyoung stood there for a second, admiring the broad shoulders like he always did. Even though he spend ten years with him, Jaebeom had always been ahead of him. Jinyoung never minded that, not until now. Now he had huge urge to go and stand beside him. Not behind but by his side.

He contemplated on reaching out for Jaebeom or just leave, but before he could think of anything he was already standing beside his friend of ten years.

The breeze was cool against the heated skin. Jaebeom did noticed his presence but didn't said anything, just taking a swing of beer here and there. Jinyoung clutched his can tightly as he stood waiting for God knows what to happen.

"You grew taller." Jaebeom said out of nowhere, making Jinyoung jump slightly. The grip on the can got tighter.

"Thanks I guess." he mumbled.

"So now you know me?" Jaebeom voice contains a heavy sarcasm and Jinyoung heart clenched at the tone.

"I never intended to talk to you." He didn’t know why he said it, maybe he really was an idiot. 

"well I guess then I shouldn't be standing here then." the bitterness in Jaebeom's voice was obvious and as much Jinyoung wanted to regret saying he was angry at how Jaebeom still thinks he's the same sixteen year old kid who chased him. 

Jinyoung watched him leaving, having thoughts on how he always end up watching the other leaving with his back towards Jinyoung. 

... 

  


  


  


"Why I can't call you Jaebeom, we are born in same year. " ten year old Jinyoung whined as he walked beside his friend. 

  


"Because my date comes early and yours comes way too late, once you reached eleven of age I will be turning twelve so I'm your hyung." Jaebeom stated. 

"This is unfair." Jinyoung whined, as he held Jaebeom's hand tightly because he was scared of the cars passing by quickly. 

  


"Why are you so angry with such small thing.. I'm your hyung and hyung will always protect you." Jaebeom said, looking at him with the affection. Jinyoung grip on hand grew tighter as he looked away trying to hide the embarrassing blush that crept on his face. 

"Fine... I'll call you hyung... But promise that you will always protect me? " the small pinky hanged in the air for other kid to catch and Jaebeom smiled as he took it and said. 

"Promise. "

"Are you going to get strawberry ice cream again? " Jinyoung asked. 

"Oh how did you know?" Jaebeom faked surprise, Jinyoung giggled.

"I know everything about hyung... You are liking strawberry too much these days. " Jinyoung continued to giggle as Jaebeom smiled at his friend. 

.... 

  


  


It's been a month since Jinyoung last saw Jaebeom, he tried his best not to ask questions about the older male but it was hard. Jinyoung pretended he didn't care but listen to his friends closely so he could at least got hint what other was doing but to his dismay he got none. 

It frustrated him how he knew so little about his so called childhood friend. How his friends knew so much yet he knew nothing. Heck he wasn't even aware of his presence for two years even when they were in same campus. 

"You seems annoyed." Jackson stated, as always he was early to catch in things like these. 

  


"I'm good." Jinyoung muttered. 

  


"Something’s bothering you?" Jackson was one persistent man and it was getting on Jinyoung's nerves. But he had trained himself to not to lose his temper so he gave a small smile. 

"It's nothing sseun ah..." 

  


"Okay... If you say so.." he was glad that his friends didn't push the topic more. 

  


“Who’s this for?” Jinyoung pointed at the additional cup of coffee.

  


“Jaebeom hyung.”

  


“You are meeting him?”

  


“We share same class.”

  


“OH… you should take extra syrup.”

  


“Huh? Why?”

  


“Just in case.”

  


  


.... 

  


  


  


"Your taste is so bland." 15 year old Jinyoung scrunch his nose, as he pinch the brown jacket that elder has brought. 

  


"You have no right to talk when you are wearing a pink hoodie." Jaebeom rolled his eyes. 

  


"At least it's appealing a certain image." 

  


"And what image are you going for?" Jaebeom raise his brow, a mischievous glint sparkle in Jinyoung's eyes as he put his hands on either side of his face and stick his lower lips out. 

  


"Cute image." he tried to maintain his posture but ended up in fits of giggles. Jaebeom froze for a second before gaining his sense back and smiled as he shove Jinyoung away. 

  


"You are nowhere near cute." 

  


"Oh come one... Hyung.. You seriously think I'm not cute." Jinyoung said while pouting again trying to do the flower pose. Jaebeom shoved Jinyoung away with a smile on his face and a beating heart. 

  


"Nah... I don't see anything cute." 

  


"Tch meanie... You seriously have no taste." 

  


.... 

  


  


"Why are we here again?" Jinyoung asked Youngjae, they were standing in mall in some random clothing store. 

  


"We are buying gift for Christmas." 

  


"Let me rephrase my question... Why the fuck I am here?" Jinyoung hated being outside, especially when he was dragged at 10am on Sunday morning with no information of what they were doing. 

  


"Because we are roommates and we are sharing our budget to give gift to other." 

  


"Since when we give out gifts on Christmas?" Jinyoung made face as he finally took some interest in the clothing that was hanging, a red hoodie perfect for Jackson. 

"Since right now." Youngjae said as he strolled forward. 

  


  


"What should we give Jaebeom Hyung?" five minutes later Youngjae came back with his basket full and Jinyoung wonder what was there budget to begin with. 

  


"Why do we have to give him gift? Is he coming too?" Jinyoung knit his brows as he looked at Youngjae suspiciously. 

  


"Because I'm bringing him." Jinyoung didn't know when Mark showed up but he did followed by Yugyeom and BamBam carrying shopping bags. They were out too. 

  


"So what should we buy?" Youngjae asked again and they started searching so thing to suit Jaebeom’s taste. 

  


"Jaebeom Hyung would love these." Jinyoung absent mindedly took a gray knit beanie and said out loud. His words not only got others attention but his own as well and he never wanted to hit himself more than before. 

  


"I mean this will suit him." Jinyoung tried to cover up whatever he had said. He did get suspicious glances but no one said anything. Mark just took the beanie and put that in Youngjae's basket. 

.... 

  


  


When 15 year old Jinyoung finally realizes that it wasn't just affection he felt for Hyung, he freaked out. To know the fact that he had fallen in love with his own best friend was devastating. 

He skipped school that day to not to encounter Jaebeom but to his misery Jaebeom was his neighbor as well and soon he found older I'm his house asking if he was alright. 

  


  


Jinyoung was seeing Jaebeom in new light, instead of a caring hyung he now wanted to hold Jaebeom in a new way, like he never have before. He didn't just want to hold hand like usual but to intertwine their fingers as well. He wanted to hug him into sleep, like usual but also to kiss those lips as well. He wanted to do so much yet he couldn’t as he cried when he saw Jaebeom. 

  


Jaebeom panicked but he pushed him away saying he wasn't feeling well and locked the door. He did said sorry next day and as expected from Jaebeom who forgave him quickly. That day Jinyoung learned to keep his emotion in check. 

..... 

  


Christmas party came with just seven of them, Jinyoung still don't know why Jaebeom was coming but he didn't ask much. They all arrived in between 8:30 to 9:00 and then they all sat down around one small table Jinyoung and Youngjae had in their dorm. 

For some reason Jaebeom was sitting just in front of Jinyoung and Jinyoung was having a hard time to not to look at him. Years later and he still wasn't over his love for Jaebeom. It grew stronger than before. The urges to own, the urges to touch were now taking a dangerous turn and even when Jaebeom was only talking to Youngjae while leaning a bit more it sets Jinyoung on fire. But Jinyoung has learned to keep his emotions in check so he looked fine. 

  


"We wanted to wrap these things but some reason we went out of budget." Youngjae said and Jinyoung rolled his eyes. 

"So instead of giving specific things I'll just dump all these here and you all take what you like." Youngjae said as he put the clothes and other things on the table. 

"Come on man this is so uncool." BamBam said as his hand went through the pile of clothing. 

"shut up and take it..." Jinyoung glared at him. 

"I'm going to take this then.." Yugyeom took the red hoodie but Jackson took hold of the other side. 

"Nooo... I was eyeing this one... I want it." he whined and soon the area was a mess. Jinyoung shook his head, he knew they were going to have a chaos, should have just taped in newspaper and gave them. 

  


"I'll take this." Jaebeom voice was loud yet deep which caught others attention. The gray beanie was in his hand as he stretched the material smiling when it was of his liking. 

  


Jinyoung look away from eyes of Mark and Youngjae. 

  


  


  


  


"Your taste in clothing is so bad." Jackson said. 

  


"At least I'm not fighting with children for a hoodie." Jaebeom smirked. Jackson groaned. 

  


"Hey I'm not a child." Yugyeom shout. "Take it I don't need it.. I'll take this yellow shirt then." 

In the end Jackson did get the red hoodie. 

  


.... 

  


  


It took one week courage for Jinyoung to finally choose the day to propose. At first he just wanted to keep his crush secret. But it was getting difficult with passing day. 

Jaebeom presence was becoming toxic for him, in a good way and a bad way. He now want to hold Jaebeom closer, to take him to make him his. But it was hard, considering Jaebeom had a girlfriend and then a boyfriend throughout the year. 

Jinyoung didn't stand a chance but it was getting hard for him just being friend and when the day came, he was faced with failure. 

Heart breaks were so painful, he cried for two days, refused to eat. This time there was no Jaebeom to come and console him. He learned in hard way how he would not have Jaebeom in his life anymore. 

The older male did approached him a week later, but he looked away and sealed the distance between them. The silent agreement to never talk. To never interact. One year later Jaebeom left for Seoul and it became much easier for Jinyoung to live. 

  


.... 

  


"And I confessed and got rejected, hahahah but then I didn’t talked to her again." Jackson laughed out loud as he told his high school story. They weren't drunk but they weren't sober either. 

  


"You are an idiot... Should have given more thoughts in it." Yugyeom threw a chip in Jackson direction which landed on Jinyoung instead. Jinyoung still didn't know why he was there, should have gone to bed. Jaebeom hadn't made a single eye contact with him or see in his general direction. It should have been a good thing but it made Jinyoung feel left out and worthless. 

  


How even after all these years the mere presence of Jaebeom affected him so much. 

  


  


"You could have waited for right timings." Youngjae said. 

  


"To me it was the right timing.. I loved her.. What more I needed to wait for?" Jackson asked. Jinyoung thought the same. 

  


"Well at least set the mood, or give hints or something." Jaebeom said. 

  


"But sometimes people are too oblivious even when you gave them hints." Jinyoung didn't know why he said it and for the first time Jaebeom looked at him. 

  


"Then you need to work hard..." Jaebeom looked into his eyes, like he was talking to him instead of saying it in general. Jinyoung felt his ears heat up, blood rushing towards his face. He must be blushing. 

  


"No it's not about working hard but it's about looking at the efforts one put in to confess to you." Jinyoung didn't want to run away, not this time. 

  


"yeah it's all about effort." Jackson said and maybe Jinyoung was a bit thankful to his words because he didn't know he might be losing all his control over emotions. But it looked like Jaebeom was there to talk more. 

  


"if you actually put effort in something people will see it." 

  


"are you saying Jackson didn't put his real efforts in confession?" mark asked. 

  


"No I'm not saying that.. But maybe sometimes people do that.. And think their confession can be heard and if they are rejected they just gave up.. If you give up then it means the confession didn't mean much." Jinyoung eyes widened as the words penetrated into his head. This was so wrong. 

  


“Man I pour all my energy into one confession… do you think I really had energy to put out another confession. Wasn’t one rejection enough?” Jackson sighed.

  


“Hmm I guess but blocking out other from your life isn’t good either.”

  


Jinyoung suddenly sit up straight, eye matching Jaebeom who was looking at him giving him some what a challenging look. Everyone become tense, they all did sense something big coming up as they liked at them. 

"Don’t say thing you don't know..." 

"I know a lot." 

"you fucking know nothing." 

"I know everything about you Jinyoung." Jaebeom voice was calm and it drives Jinyoung nuts. How older just pushed away his feelings like they were nothing he hated it. But today he won't let it go.

  


"You know shit about me... I fucking put my life into that confession."

  


"I’m telling you Jinyoung it was all because you didn't mean it much... It's only ruined our friendship and if you really loved me you could have tried confessing again.." 

  


"Are you fucking kidding me... I spent one whole year accepting my feelings for you.. I planned the confession for a whole week before finally confronting you... You should stop looking down on people thinking them immature before telling a story." Jinyoung was furious. He stood up and stormed out of the dorm. 

"You better leave before I come back. " he said before slamming the door shut. 

  


  


“Fuck... “Jaebeom said. 

  


  


  


  


"I think we are missing a lot here. " mark finally said and Jaebeom groaned in annoyance how it was always him who was left to clean whatever mess Jinyoung has created. He did accept that this time it was his fault too, so he just sighed and said. 

  


"all you need to know is that me and Jinyoung kind of know each other since way too back... Like ten years of childhood friends." 

Their faces changes to surprised. 

"please don't ask for more.. At least not now... I'm going through some thoughts here as well." Jaebeom said and no one dared to speak more. 

  


.... 

  


Jaebeom first saw Jinyoung was when he was 7 year old and Jinyoung was 6 crying in the park. 

  


"Hey... Don't cry..." Jaebeom didn't know how to approach him, while other kids just ignored Jinyoung crying he just couldn't ignore the little boy. 

  


"No one wants to play with me." Jinyoung hiccupped. Jaebeom felt his heart clenched at such cute yet sad kid. Even though he wasn't much older but the urge to protect the younger came really strong at him. He sat beside the kid and ruffled his thick hair. 

  


"It's okay I'll play with you... What's your name?" 

  


"Jinyoung..." the boy sniffed and wiped his tears with back of his hands. 

  


"I'm Jaebeom... Let's be friends." 

  


And the smile the little boy gave him was so sweet that Jaebeom squished the boy’s cheek without thinking. 

  


  


  


  


Jinyoung whined at him and Jaebeom just laughed and called him cute. That was beginning of ten year worth of friendship started. 

  


.... 

  


Jaebeom couldn't find Jinyoung in the campus, he tried to get hold of his friends but it looked like none of them wanted to talk to him. 

  


"You stepped over the line you know... On top of that you didn't even know anything." Jackson said, he was the only person who let himself dragged by Jaebeom to Cafe and have an actual talk. 

  


"So you all hate me now?" 

  


"We don't hate you hyung... We just think you took irrational decision even before and now too and we are kind of trying to console Jinyoung too." 

  


"How is he?" 

  


"I can't say better... But he's okay... He's strong….you should know." 

But Jaebeom didn’t know, he was so used to having Jinyoung always coming to him taking shelter that he couldn’t imagine a grown up and a strong Jinyoung.

..... 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Jinyoung was never strong, every time something happened he would rush towards Jaebeom seeking for help. When 7 year Jinyoung felt down on road he cried and didn't stop until Jaebeom came rushing from his class to hug him. 

  


Ten year old Jinyoung hated roads and how fast the car go and every time he would hold Jaebeom's hand when they crossed it, or even they walked beside one. Twelve year old Jinyoung cried for days when Jaebeom got into hospital from breaking his leg. He spend his three days beside Jaebeom whole crying when all Jaebeom could was smile on hospital bed and pat his head.

  


Fifteen year old Jinyoung held Jaebeom’s hand tightly when they both entered haunted house in their school festival.

  


.... 

Never in his life Jaebeom thought he would be the reason for Jinyoung's crying. All his life he was the one who take care of younger tears and now there are other people who were there to help him because this time it was Jaebeom who made him cry. 

  


Jaebeom wanted to take Jinyoung away from those people and to hug him again and to pat his head but he couldn't. His mistake was grief. Never in his life he thought Jinyoung would fall in love with him. he would have been over joyed when younger confessed to him. 

  


But all the nightmares and the insecurities won that day and he rejected younger male, pushing away his feelings. Neglecting his confession and thinking it was all nothing but some child's affection. 

  


What he didn't understand was that Jinyoung grew too, he wasn't the same 6 year old child he found in the park crying on his knees. He wasn’t the same Jinyoung who held him tight while crossing roads. He had grown up, but it was too hard for Jaebeom to accept it. 

  


... 

  


The first time Jaebeom felt something in his heart for Jinyoung he was sixteen. He was shocked when he found out that he was attracted towards his young friend. 

  


He tried to dump the thoughts but they came back to him stronger, every time Jinyoung reach out for his hand he had urge to never let go. Every time he hugged Jinyoung he never wanted to let go of him. And when he ruffled Jinyoung's hair he had other thought about how his fingers would look if he ran them through jinyoung's hair. 

  


The not so innocent thoughts filled Jaebeom’s head and he hated himself for being like this for his friend. He tried to keep distance but with Jinyoung ability to always cling and his actions to never let go made things really complicated for Jaebeom. 

  


He wished his feelings would fade away as time passes by because didn't want to ruin his friendship with Jinyoung. 

  


.... 

  


The first time Jaebeom encountered Jinyoung after the fight. It was awkward. Jaebeom was carrying his coffee cup in his one hand while his other was occupied with his files. They were in front of Cafe door. 

Jinyoung was wearing green sweater with muffler around his neck almost covering his half face. The boy was wearing thick rimmed glasses and his hair were thick and ruffled on his face. Jaebeom had an urge to run his hand through them. 

  


"hey." he said softly. Jinyoung looked at him, eyes filled with sullen look. He glared at Jaebeom for a second before stepping aside to give Jaebeom space to leave. 

  


"Can we talk....." Jaebeom said again but Jinyoung looked at him with annoyance as he turned away and left. Maybe he was there for coffee but it looked like he prefer not to get it since Jaebeom was there. 

  


  


  


  


Regret wash over him. He knew how Jinyoung hold grudges, and this was a big deal of course he would be mad. He wanted to stop him but he couldn't and for the first time Jaebeom watched jinyoung's back leaving. 

  


For the first time he realized fully that he had fucked up. For the first time he relaxed that if he didn't do anything he might lose Jinyoung fully and he never thought of having a life wotiout Jinyoung.

....

  


  


When Jinyoung confessed to him his head filled with so many question that it took him a while to process what was happening. And then without him knowing he rejected the younger. 

He wanted to think it as dream, he had been holding himself for so long and now looking at Jinyoung confessing him so casually made him a bit upset.

He should be happy about the confession, about their love being mutual but somehow he couldn't bring himself to accept it. The words left his lips and for the first time Jinyoung cried because of him. But that day Jaebeom didn't saw. He left. 

  


.... 

"You can always say sorry you know." BamBam told him when they were walking for lunch. 

  


"I can if he stay for a second. He run away after seeing my shadow." Jaebeom sighed. 

  


"He’s hurt.... You blamed for having fake feelings." Yugyeom said as the three of them sit down on the table. 

  


"Don’t make it sound horrible than it already is...... I was just confused." 

  


"You still could have said better words." 

  


"I was an idiot." 

  


"We know."

"Shut up." 

  


"Just go and say sorry." 

  


"How?" 

  


"You know his dorm... You know how to walk.... Just go..." 

  


"It’s not that simple."

  


"It is... You are the only one who is making it complicated."

......

  


"You should forgive him." 

  


"He said my feeling s weren't valid." 

  


"He was confused." 

  


"I was lost as well." 

  


"He's sorry." 

  


"I need time." 

  


"You both have already lost 4 years." 

  


"I just...." 

  


"Jinyoung ah... You love him?" 

  


"....." 

  


"If you do you need to forgive... But if you don't then just keep ignoring him.." 

  


"I want him back." 

  


"Then go and get him." 

  


.....

  


Years of being together yet Jinyoung didn't know how to act in front of Jaebeom. He didn't intend to meet him, at least not today but somehow things just gone wrong (right) and he was standing in front of Jaebeom in front of coffee shop again with rain pouring down.

  


"uh... You should get in... Or else you are going to get wet." the mother instinct Jaebeom had showed.

  


Jinyoung just followed him inside the Cafe quietly. A hot chocolate and a strawberry latte and both were seated in front of each other with their respective drinks.

  


Small sips and awkward silence. Jinyoung wondered how he used to talk to Jaebeom in past.

  


"I am sorry." Jaebeom voice was hushed but Jinyoung heard it.

  


"You said my feeling a were invalid."

  


"I never intend it that way... What I meant was that I never thought you knew what you were talking about."

  


"Same thing."

  


"I am sorry for jumping in conclusion."

  


"I dealt with that for a whole year before I confessed."

  


"I dealt it for two years too.... It's wasn't fear that you got to confess while I didn't."

  


"You should have been happy that I confessed."

  


"It hurt my pride."

  


"Pride was better than my love... Your love?" Jinyoung didn't know but he was getting angry.

  


"Jinyoung ah... I love you I really do.... But you confessing me that day didn't do us anything good."

  


"So you are saying it's my fault?"

  


"We lost four years." Jaebeom said

  


"We can be together right now hyung."

  


"But would everything be same?"

  


"It will be... We can give it a chance.."

  


"Do you still love me?" Jinyoung asked.

  


"I fucking do...."

  


The rain was pouring out, Jinyoung was desperate. He wanted nothing but Jaeboem to accept him, to choose him. But Jaebeom despite loving him was stuck. Stuck in the past. Not wanting to leave the space that he had created in his head.

  


“Hyung.... "Jinyoung said, voice small begging for Jaeboem to accept his love.

  


“I love you a lot Jinyoung ah.”

  


“Me too.”

  


“But I need time.... "Jaeboem said as he stood up, Jinyoung panicked. Once again Jaebeom was leaving him. Once again his confession was going to get wasted.

  


“Don’t worry... This time I'll come back with a proper answer. "Jaeboem said and left.

  


The rain soaked him when he came outside but he didn't care. He was feeling heavy, he thought he did the right thing yet his heart felt heavy as his steps.

  


......

  


Eight year old Jinyoung walked towards nine year old Jaebeom who just entered the park.

  


"Hyung... Hyung... Look I caught the four leaf flower."

  


"It’s a clover nyoung ah..."

  


"I want to wish on It." Jinyoung ignored him completely as he stood beside Jaebeom.

  


"What do you want to wish?"

  


"For us to be together.”

  


“We are together Jinyoung... Ask for something else. "

  


“No I want us to be together forever and always... "Jinyoung said, looking serious, cheeks puffing out. Jaebeom laughed at him.

  


....

Jaeboem was steps ahead when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He was surprised and saw a wet Jinyoung holding into him, he looked restless.

  


" nyoung ah? "

  


" No... No I can't let you leave.. Not again.. I'm done with chasing you... Let me.. Let me walk beside you hyung let me walk.... Let us be together....". Jinyoung said... Voice trembling, almost crying. Jaeboem heart clenched. He can’t make Jinyoung cry, not again..

  


" Nyoung ah.. I... "

  


" You said you love me... Then be a man accept my confession.. Accept my love as well... Everything will be fine.. We can be together... It all will be alright.."

  


"I... I love you Jinyoung_ah."

  


"yes...yes and now accept it...."

  


"I want us to be together." Jaeboem said, voice shaking.

  


“We will be together.” Jinyoung said as he wrapped his arms around Jaebeom taking him in his embrace. For the first time in years it was Jinyoung who comforts Jaebeom, it was Jinyoung who took a weak Jaebeom in, it was Jinyoung who held a scared Jaeboem and told him that it was okay.

  


The rain was long forgotten, with both of them being soaked, pressed against each other finally meeting after years of not.

  


Jaebeom heart was at ease, he didn’t know that letting go would make him this relaxed. Being with Jinyoung was always his favorite thing but knowing that now park Jinyoung belonged to him only made him happy. He didn’t imagine being this happy, having Jinyoung so close to him.

  


“I love you…” Jaeboem mumbled against Jinyoung.

“I love you too.”

“Let’s be together…”

“Forever.”

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> if you actually read this whole thing kudos to you..you are one brave warrior...


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